721

you know where to call me, 

when and how, 

you know what you really really want, 

your need, 

no games and arena, 

all clear way.

and you know a love that could not destroy. 

"meet me in Montauk", in my dream I said. 

so meet me there. 

 

Prerogative

 

High demands, you need to look inside yourself.
You want to be a hero,
You want to be a knight.
You pursued a ghost,
Only to kill a lily.

In your world,

You repesents me as the toxicated devil. 

No matters,

In the name of truth, I'll take it.

So lies will fall down itself by the time. 

You pretended to stand alone,
For the benefit of your desires.
You want to look like a gentleman,
And clean up your name.

For better or worse,
For your version of your new beginning.



But my white wedding dress is a witness to your black matter;
Every time you touched the innocence, it left a black grain of your abused.
And now, it's as dark as Gargantua.



I contemplated the Milky Way;
It showed that it was not coming from last year,
It was even not coming from five years ago.



Our stories only lasted for the first three years;
The rest was how you fed your ego
And normalized the anomaly of our reality.

Primal Urge

 

You said, "stick it up to the man!" 
But what for? 

Have you thought about it? 

Stick it up as a man whom easily threw lies within the lies for years?

Stick it up as a man whom bleeds your soul 

only for lust and physical intimacy? 

Stick it up as a man whom buried himself inside the blanket

 when fire's burn? 

Stick it up as a man whom never say your name in his pray, only insulting yourself in behind of his friends?

Stick it up as a man whom abused his power 

only to killed a woman's life?

Stick it up as a man whom never been able to hold a woman tenderly and only did some nasty tricky things? 

Stick it up as a man whom see women as objects, so it is easy to humiliated and disrespected?

Stick it up as a man that the problem solving is to revenge

 not to educate? 

Stick it up to a man whom loves to turn the table of facts?

Is that even a man? 

Fin

 

I don't love you anymore. 

I wept all my tears, 
chin up, I exhale all the thrones you threw. 
I faced and told The Time, 

and The Time agreed to send karma to your way.

Meanwhile, part of me still just love you ; the idea of you.
The pain you've given to me constantly make the vault 

filled with memory of you, 

hidden your kindness, your love, your sanctuary, your faith,

 your touch, your promises, our life. 

Secured the light that beams on your deepest heart 

all the time for me.
Make sure I left nothing an inch of you on my pores.

I locked it and drown it in the deepest of the ocean. 
I don't want to tag the coordinate, 

I let it sink and rip. 

I close my eyes,

Let it sink. 

History

I didn't know our heart sent signal from the future that there will be huge distance come thru two months later.

Even when we were dancing in a burning room,

still there is a foundest moment of us,

I picked it on my deepest tiny cell of my brain.

for myself at least, to appreciated your presence in my life.

Anticipatory grief since January,

where you sailed this boat to nowhere,

but I slip one tenderness to you.

to us.

Tracing your midnight steps to next room,

The sun was not even peeking,

You slept soundly,

and I gently shrink to your arms like a puffy pillow,

and touched your chest where your heart beating,

Following your breath,

Closing my eyes and focusing to your pulse.

flesh to flesh,

skin to skin,

We absorb each other; became one.

for the last 30 minute.

no fight,

no scream,

no harm,

no anger,

no blame,

no trick and game,

no lies,

no jealousy,

no tense.

A grand moment

peace,

silence,

the most secured place in the world,

a harmony for two souls,

30 minute before life's begin again.

A pure tenderness and serene.

Just like this,

to hold on more tightly for once more,

for the last 30 minute.

The Coolidge Effect

 

Everything is smart when you falling in love. 
Everything in your eyes. 
and different, 
and feels like brand new,
and beautiful,
and edgy, 
and sexy,
and lustrous, 
and interesting,

stimulating to your needs,

and romanticizing it as a savior,

and over, and over, 

Push and pull just like a moon to the waves,
and get, 
and win for awhile,
and cilmatic to the top. 

And then it is stop. 
Just stop. 

You don't know what to do next. 
You still pick roses over lilies. 
Their thrones make you bleeds, 
and it repeated again, 

As the fire to the earth to burn you inside out,
You lose the water that suppposed to nurture you wholly. 

Drench in liquor, lungs full of smokes, you try to break the mirror 

but it won't.

falls into the night tunnel,

Roses and Poppies are bilnding you to be a tally.

You know exactly;
You'll be empty again.

Bluntly

 

Last ride you used,

the heat still leave on the road. 

Not mention how sweet was the sin,
The sin we used to wear now you give to her. 
The sin we have now you proven to her.
The sin we shared, too crowded to stands. 

The sin you treated to the wall, the floor and the bed she used.
The sin you and she said, "it is our obstacle, we must persistent".

The sin that you've signed with a comma in every affection words.

The sin you've shown as trick and illusion so I hypnotized.

No need to hit us and break us down. 
I have marked alot to all over your body already. 
She tastes mine.

You never choose 'enough' so the end always 'too much'.

Hurricanes will never sleep, if you waits for it silent,
 it would never be.

How does it feels being a God of two moons? 

Jarring

Gifted with the ability to read encrypted signs,

a thin layer signed—

Simply a line in a song she played and the chores you serenade.

Just like a hide and seek on a 5th grade.

This vision is a curse, not a blessing.

I wish my insight didn’t need to be so sharp, leading me to some truth,

and making me feel like a real creep.

And your world points out that I am the weirdo just for protecting my peace,

Your world tells me that I am obsessed while your eyes act like stalkers,

Your world heartlessly makes me look like a lunatic after drinking your potion,

Your world keeps building a fortress of glass, tricks, and violence, even though it would break easily under my tenderness.

No use, because there’s no competition to kill each other here.

I've been dead, and you’ve murdered what we had—

Blood everywhere.

When the truth is,

your world made and created that frame for me.

Dua Seperempat - Tujuh

 

A FICTION.

15.45

Waktu yang sama ketika aku pergi dan sekarang berdiri disini. 

tapi angin dan wangi nya berbeda. 

Aku berdiri dilapangan bola. 

Ini di dalam perumahan.

Rasanya familiar.

Aku berjalan ke arah warung di depanku, 

hanya ada bapak tua yang sedang mendengarkan radio. 

aku berdiri di depan, sayup - sayup terdengar jingle pergantian acara radio, 

lalu terdengar pembawa berita membacakan berita saat ini, April tahun 1999?

tahun 1999? 

Aku menyeritkan dahi, berusaha menahan mual di perut.

 baru terasa perjalanan tadi sangat aneh. 

  mau beli apa? tanya si bapak tua memecahkan lamunan ku. 

aku menggeleng. lalu berjalan ke arah lapangan bola. 

Si bapak tua memperhatikan ku dari atas ke bawah, mungkin aku terlihat aneh untuk ukuran tahun ini. 

aku mencari tempat duduk yang agak teduh dan jauh dari orang. sejujurnya aku tidak tahu harus apa, 

mau apa. 

tapi aku rasa aku tahu siapa yang aku tunggu. 

 

15.55 

aku tidak tahu pasti, tapi mungkin algoritma nya yang membawa kesini. 

aku memperhatikan sekitar, 

tukang siomay 

pengamen yang duduk-duduk

ada tukang sol sepatu

tukang parkir 

motornya, motor bapakku jaman dulu 

aku tersenyum, 

sedikit nostalgia membuat hatiku hangat. 

aku menutup mataku dan menarik nafas. 

DUG! 

sebuah bola mendarat kencang di kepalaku, sumpah pusing sekali. 

rombongan bocah laki-laki berlari,

mungkin 6 anak,  

berteriak-teriak saling menyalahkan satu sama lain tapi saling bercanda. 

hayolo hayolo! 

Aku hanya manyun melihat mereka,  sakit benar kepalaku. 

Sampai ada satu anak yang di dorong-dorong temannya. 

Tubuhnya kurus, rambutnya agak pirang, pakai jersey bola hitam putih, dan matanya melihat mataku. 

Mata yang sama yang aku kenal dari 20 tahun yang lalu, hanya matanya yang ini polos.

Bukan biasan mata yang letih akan hidup yang biasa aku lihat.

Yang ini matanya mirip mata anak perempuanku. 

 

Hatiku berdegup. 

figure anak kecil tapi rasanya aku kenal dia sudah lama.

Dia. 

Jadi, aku kesini untuk bertemu Dia. 

Teman-temannya masih mendorongnya.

Memakai celana bola, kakinya kurus kecil dan memakai sendal jepit.

Bajunya terlihat kebesaran untuk ukurannya. 

Mukanya seperti mau marah, tapi aku bisa melihat air mata sudah di ujung matanya. 

Hei Hei! 

Teriak ku berusaha menenangkan anak-anak itu agar tidak jadi adu jotos. 

Sudah Sudah! 

Sebelum ada darah dan tangis, akhirnya aku tarik anak itu, 

lengan tangannya kurus sekali. 

anak itu menunduk. 

eh gapapa, 

kataku menenangkan. 

Agak takut juga aku, nanti dikira mau menculik dia. 

Udah gapapa kok, jangan di dengerin. main lagi sana. 

kataku menenangkan, 

Dia mengangkat wajahnya. 

Rasanya aneh, semua yang aku tahu tentangnya dia terlalu tinggi dan besar untukku, 

tapi sekarang yang berdiri didepan ku,

jauh lebih rapuh. 

Matanya basah karena air mata. 

nafasnya naik turun, 

antara marah atau malu karena menangis. 

Aku berlutut di depannya agar bisa sejajar dengannya, 

matanya melihat mataku.

ingin rasanya bilang, 

Semua yang apa yang dia lakukan ke aku di 20 tahun kedepan, 

Semua yang apa yang kita lalui, 

Tangis, marah, tawa, bahagia, benci, cinta, sayang, 

Semua janji-janji kami,

dan semua yang tertulis dan yang terlupakan. 

Semua sumpah dan penghianatan, 

Semua perasaan yang terungkap dan tidak terungkap. 

tapi yang berdiri di depanku adalah dia hanya bocah 9 tahun sekarang, 

matanya berlinang air mata. 

dan aku pun juga. 

aku peluk dia

erat

Aku menangis, 

ku berbisik

maafkan aku

maafkan aku

maafkan aku ,

aku maafkan kamu

semua akan baik-baik saja.

Nafas dia mulai tenang, 

matanya masih terpejam. 

ku lepaskan pelukanku 

lalu ku berdiri, 

berjalan lurus membelakanginya,

 

16.32

Sekarang aku paham kenapa aku disini. 

Saatnya aku kembali,

Kembali ke tempat ku tadi datang. 

Kembali menemuinya ke 20 tahun kedepan.

Sit and Stay

Love sits and stays,

It is a room in your house,

Tender and soft,

Rendering happiness,

And sometimes as loud as a bomb,

Thrown and hurt,

But always holding space for forgiveness.

Love sits and stays,

Between your fingertips at night,

Scrolling through worlds,

You layer the art of missing with a particular sight,

Leaving an ache in your chest until you fall asleep on the cold side of your bed.

Love sits and stays,

Waiting but growing,

Through the rotation and gravity,

The roots, the leaves and the flowers getting strong,

Only the two of us, always holding onto hope.

Love always sits and stays,

Under your blanket, calling her name,

Warm nostalgia pouring out,

Glistening your eyes at every scene that enters your life,

Not missing any detail.

As we grow old,

Love always sits and stays.