Wilted

 

This house,

just rooms stitched together.

Places to sleep, to eat, to release.

Nothing sacred.

Nothing shared.

Because you were never really here,

not in presence,

not in mental. 

                                     You lived inside the hours,

on my timeline.

in seconds spent elsewhere,

measured by logic,

wrapped in noise,

and binary.

                                                  I lived in you.

In every minute,

every possibility,

I looped through time

as someone 

softer,

wiser,

devoted.

Protecting you from shadows you never saw.

                                                You denied it.

Again and again.

Denied that I could love you

without limit.

Without asking back.

But I did.

                                         Until my hands ached.

My knees bruised.

My eyes dimmed from looping.

Until I became

just the silence between your distractions.

                   

when I go,

there will be no fire.

Just a quiet absence

carved in your chest

like a ghost of something infinite.

                                                      I will be

the love that outlasts your pride.

The memory you’ll revisit

                                    when it's too late to hold me.

Silhouette

 

I once had a wedding dress.
It fit me like a promise,
not following from trends
or borrowed dreams,
but from my own inner,
my own becoming.

I chose the length with care,
the color like breath,
soft, eternal.
Tulle that floated like hope,
fabrics that held my gentleness,
beads that caught the light
like the way I once looked at love.

It wasn’t made by a name of fame,
but by a real woman
real as I was: 
She sewed with silence,
with prayer in her fingertips.
Her blessing wrapped around me
that one night.

Five months to make,
One night to wear.
A lifetime to remember.
Timeless. 

I wear that, timeless. 
now, in my solitude. 

not in anger,
not in grief,
but in grace.

It held my dream once.

Now I set it free.
It was never just a dress.

It was me,
believing.

Cathartic

 

My vocabulary has broadened—

not just in you.

I am a whole constellation,

alive, wanting,

ripe to be adored.

Words no longer spiral your name alone;

they fracture, stretch,

expand into dimensions

you were never invited to.

I speak in new forms now

shapes you can’t decode,

tongues you never tried to understand.

the language I spoke ten years ago

is buried in ash.

Don’t mistake my evolution for stillness.

I am not rooted,

I am becoming.

already steps ahead,

already speaking in tomorrow’s voice.

After All

 

The sunrise is beautiful, isn't it?

transcending your inner, 

a habitual, 

a secure hour.

unforced.

nothing sparkling or Grande,

no need pretending,
nothing fake, 

calm after the storm, 

no need any other games, 

all just raw and warm,

undoubtable and incomparable, 

nurturing and nursing, 

feeding our souls 

that exhausted 

from outside our bubble,

real,

a simple pleasure.

Here. 

Seclusion

In my solitude,

when your night is lit by lasers, smoke, and liquor.

In my solitude,

when you stand in the middle of fake laughs that make you loathe yourself for pretending.

In my solitude,

when you sit on a Saturday night beside different faces and lipsticks, 

searching for my eyes beneath their fake lashes.

In my solitude,

when you try to keep your guests on the phone entertained, and all you hear are annoying voices,

instead of my humming that lift your heart.

In my solitude,

when you button that fresh brown shirt, but your heart aches and feels so weary;

 you'd wished you were wearing it for me.

In my solitude,

when you put on a mask like a glowing prince,

while you’re rotting inside,

and realize too late, the treatment you needed to give was the one meant for us,

 like a true gentleman.

In my solitude,

when you thought freedom would be liberating,

but it's suffocating,

because you already know, baby,

I am your air.

 I am in my solitude—

a stillness I chose,

a silence that cradles me without cruelty.

a place where you should have belonged.

You, 

still restless in rooms that never knew your name,

still smiling in mirrors that don't reflect you.

Haze

 

Two souls become shadows. 
Shadows that float through our sanctuary.

Float as two unique figures, the tall and the short.

 At least that's how I remember when you held me.

And missing you is too overrated these days.

Because I only miss you when you dare to slip down my gown, 

Inhale my scent that purely intoxicates, 
When you were not afraid to kiss my lips,
When you were not too overthink my skin and scars, 
But worshipping it inch by inch, 
Felt it with your heart not with your eyes, 
Not a measure to compare with the other cups you touched that morning, 

Or judgment of being aging, 

Because we only saw ourselves, not anyone. 

Inside me,

Like I was the only one. 
or was I.

Tender and subtle.

Honest and real. 

A slow-burning dance.

At the best,

I only miss you when you are not thinking of anything,

but only bliss next to me. 

 

Mauna

In this epilogue,

I just wish you lived your life better.

Finer than the assumption you throw at the table and make it a norm, 

Well done, like the clash story of your coin of empty sympathy, 

Perfect, like all eyes with fake eyelashes you caught under the purple and blue lasers.

Creating self-sabotage from you and ending in self-loathing for me. 

as a comparison is a thief of joy. 

 

Maybe feel empty, fill in: from your point of view.  

Well, I just hold what I'm supposed to hold. 

almost no words and sentences,

virtually no reaction to the chains of hurting actions you've made, 

almost whispering,

Even my energy drained, spinning on the pile of dirty laundry.

a prayer,

never stop.

 

What you do, what you did, and what you'll do 

I wish you well. 

 

Dungeon

A year of making a narrative.

A year of hurling the dimension of body to body.

A year of lies.

Second-guessing your feelings,

Denial of faith and future,

by throwing hate and the fallacy of normalcy,

to conclude a "non-judge" statement.

The whole audience vomited, 

The wall turned grey,

The door shut itself,

The room wanted to burn;

even the devil is scared of what you've done.

You've created a dungeon for me,

implied I was the evil. 

yet only for your escapism, 

your surrealism,

your reasons, 

for nothing. 

Did you find what you've looked for?

Is she your answer to your moan? 

Drive

 Measure me, 

Oh please, I insists. 

but one thing I know, 

I sit in front and always look for the back. 

Always to make sure at least not starving or too hot. 

Always apologized if the road bumpy and made him shaken.

Patiently waiting the back progressing moved forward,

towards me,

couldn't be so fast, 

but I knew he could. 

and earned to being a middle seat,

slowly moving, keep going,

learned to driving,

and finally able to be next to me. 

We hit the road. 

Roaming to milkyway

Radio's on and mind shifting. 

sense it? 

Placid

Your wings always there, 

since our beginnings, 

and your feet are never tied with the lasso. 

I let you already tho.

You know I did and do. 

You are as free as a blue bird, 

You are as true as steel,

You are believable as you said everything, even if it was a lie. 

There you stand on the top facing the south, 

Neither I force nor I trick, 

Neither I pushed nor tied.

You know where you should be heading to.

You know where you should be resting to.

All the time. 

Taciturnity

 

We came to companionship from a place of inner knowing,

platonic and serene, 

resilient rather than needy and wanting.

Not once did black ink splash our way

Not once we did mistake somone's belongings.

Purity and honesty.

Modesty and simplicity.

We have been wounded, yet we meant to mend.

We have been content, yet we strive for more.

We have dreamed, big little dreams we continue to build.

Not just promises.

Not just lullabies.

All proven by hard hands and the wrinkles on our eyes.

A love you can't even imagine to how many storms we have endured.

A love you haven't yet witnessed through decades.

A love that real and alive.

Don’t pity us. 

Pity yourself instead.

Venus

 

Processing the idea of future, 

even you cannot swap it from the deck of the card. 
depending on your third eyes,
how to see it thru. 

but you can't say anything when you are too blinded,
you can't sense anything when you are too insensitive,
you can't open your heart when you are too comparing, 
when will it stop?

I am coming from Mars and Pluto,
ruling both past and future, 

ruling both fire and water, 

ruling both light and darkness.

your whole world.

the key of your foundation. 

a keeper of your sanctuary. 

make it easy.

easily,

easy. 

Foolish

 

I guess,

I give you so much "to let you". 

I let you helped you when you being a nothing,

I let you found a way when u lost,

I let you loved me, 

I let you swam depth into me, 

I let you to entered my world that does not belong to someone else,

I let you being mine, 

and I being yours. 

I let you saw me losing my grip and grieving when my worlds collapse.

I let you saw me in my lowest point, 

I let you witnessed my best day and contented time, 

I let you slide to my solitude and hold my hand, 

I let you put that diamond ring on my finger, 

I let you sang song that maybe not many girls loved to hear it, 

I let you absorbed my veins and we were becoming one,

I let you live in me. 

and I let you ate my heart and soul,

I let you have your own bubbles and worlds, 

I let you got what you wanted: time, space, boundaries, trust;

I let you have nicknames that no one knows, 

I let you interpreted sad and incapable to; 

I let you played in infidelity. 

I let you see your two sided of the coin,

I let you to harm me, 

I let you slowly abused me, 

I let you manipulated me,

I let you humiliated me,

I let you fell in love with them, 

and I let you having your mood at home

 depending on how she was fucking you. 

I let you, in the name of trust, 

so you even feel the love even from the wrong side for whole years.  

I let you came again,

I let you live like usual, 

I let you disrespecting me, 

I let you got forgiveness.

I let you screamed "I don't love you anymore",

I let you wake up again from our room in the next morning. 

 

but alas!

I let you do it again

and again

and again

and again

over and over,

sucking the blood on your thirsty ego. 

I think

I let the door opened too big for you, 

so you easily pass by, 

come and go, 

full audacity 

and no apology,

all only

by your own terms. 

I let you.

Magnets

 

Celestial, 

Tell me how earth pointing us.

Denied, but the truth is we are magnets. 

You stood there next to her, but something pulled you.

I sat there facing him, but something pulled me.

even no contact at all, 

your sadness my sadness, 

your joy my joy, 

you know it like I know it.

Attracted us to the middle, 

and facing all.

How far you go,

How long you denied,

How much you resist, 

It all naturally platonic,

that

We are magnets. 

Eden

My body is your sacred temple,

where every scar speaks of love’s battle that you've won over me. 

soft and rough, 

tender and sweet, 

the most loyal hour,

My skin and soul are your wonderland,

only you hold the key in your hand.

The fragile garden, soft flowers bloom,

a place for you to contemplate and consume.

A home for your endless journey,

to resting your anger,

A foundation for your heart's deepest honesty.